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Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Considering Giving it All Up

Well the title pretty much sums it all up :(  The last few weeks have been especially tough and I am considering putting the baby making on hold until I am feeling mentally strong enough to start again.  Have been questioning depression over the last week or so and am beginning to wonder if I may have a mild form.

Most days I don't even want to get up, given the choice I could stay buried under the covers for the whole day.  When I do finally get up I have zero motivation to do anything, washing my hair and sorting my appearance is becoming too much of a chore and I am finding myself leaving the house with greasy hair and clothing that is mismatched, dirty and covered in dog hair - Usually I wouldn't leave the house unless I looked at least somewhat presentable as I would rather die of embarrassment then people see me in that state but these days it just doesn't register.

My moods seem to spiral from dizzyingly high over silly little things like an extra day off work to scraping the bottom of the barrel where I can't help but lash out at anyone near by and the least little thing will have me in tears.  I am too scared to go to the doctors as anti-depressants have such a bad reputation and I am worried that they will be my GPs solution.

It is a mixture of everything at the moment; helping to care for my Nan, the infertility and the stress of running two businesses but the only factor I can try to change in order to make life more bearable is trying to conceive and although it breaks my heart to commit to being an older Mother it seems to be my only choice.

It could be somewhat of a coincidence but I have noticed that there seems to be a trend with me not crafting and my mood plummeting so even though I can't be bothered I am trying to force myself to do at least one small crafty thing a day in order to try and boost my mood.

Have some positive energy crystals on order so once they arrive I am hoping to make a cute charm bracelet to try and help to lift my mood.

Sorry for the mood killing post but these are the ups and downs of long term trying to conceive and it would seem a bit one sided if I only shared the positive.

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